Friday, November 11, 2005

How to be a Happy Senior

I have 15 years of training in being a skilled Old F-a-r-t.

At age 60 it seemed cool to get ready for senior citizenry.

So, I began my training ...

  • began denying my hearing loss (except when convenient to me)
  • stopped applauding when everyone else did
  • began dyeing my hair (Miss Clairol 42s and later, Hydrience 18)
  • permed my hair with a tight curl (enjoyed compliments when I stopped)
  • retaliated my employer's dirty tricks with dirtier tricks (got a generous payout to top off my pension when 65 years and 10 months) to punish them for doing nasties to my colleagues
  • converted my part-time business activity to full-time
  • began walking one hour each day
  • switched from conciliatory to opinionated without apologies
  • became more forthrightly outspoken (at first, thought it a futile quest)
  • began trashing most of the junk that has accumulated over the years (I'm planning a neat death)

and the list goes on ... as my Continuing Education progresses.

I'm perfecting some of the "begans" along with recording the skill development exercises.

Someday, I shall put my notes into a book.
Want to buy an advanced copy for 50 cents?

Do you have any suggestions?

Please have a happy life,
Uncle Max

Don't make a fuss when I'm gone.

Don't make a fuss when I'm gone.

I'd prefer not to have:
(a) a published obituary, (b) a funeral service, (c) a marked gravesite and, (d) a fight over my toys -- I'm finished playing with them.

This is like that new deodorant called, "GONE"
You spay it all over yourself. You disappear and everyone tries to figure out where the smell coming from.

Are you one of those who prefer the same thing?
We're a fast growing group.

Tradition interferes with getting what I prefer. So, I put the details into a document for my two probable and most prominent survivors to sign.

Now it's up to them to focus on other more important arrangements when I have been relieved of all responsibilities.

Got any ideas for me on this?
Should we form a group or a worldwide movement?
Should we market GONE on the internet?
Would you like to buy a copy of the "document?"
Having a good life
Hoping you are having the same
Uncle Max

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Please show me some respect.

People don't mean to push me around -- BUT THEY DO!

It's either through carelessness, ignorance or it's intentional.

I'd just like to let them know I am here, I am me and I would like to have a little respect -- OR ELSE!

You're going to hear from me later on this subject.

... and I'm not going to order YOU to have a nice day -- that's your choice -- I respect that!